The Power of Forgiveness

With all my heart I want to hate you
I’m angry
sad
Emotions way overdue

You left us in a plane to Haiti
Told us it was a vacation

Deep down inside I knew you lied
We were kids we couldn’t fight

Had no choice without a voice

Six years of waiting
You never showed
I vowed to hate you

We lived with strangers who ate our cereal
Claimed they were family

Abused by hungry fingers
In the dark I prayed for Jesus
Had sweet dreams of my salvation
Stuck in a world of alienation

My spirit slowly died inside
I ask myself, Mom why you lied?

After six years we came to you
Saw in your eyes what you’ve been through
Our father left
You had three jobs
We were your angels
Alone in the dark
You felt we needed a fresh start
That’s why we were so far apart

Now I do appreciate your efforts
Even though I feel extreme anger
You kiss my tears
Your arms protect me
Tell me you’re sorry
I grimly smile
I forgive
End of story
©2005 by Cathy Delaleu
art by Delaleu


I was tagged by the lovely Miss Blu Jewel, i'm not a fan of tagging but this one was interesting enough to get my attention.

Link the person who tagged you.
Mention the rules in your blog.
Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged. Here goes:

1. You're on the bus or train, do we really need to hear the convo. you're having on your cell? I find it ridiculous. Also, you know damn well that once the train goes under the tunnel, you don't get any reception, so why pretend you can still hear the person on the other line? We know you can't. Duh.

2. I don't like standing in long lines at the store, I rather put my merchandise away then to stand there

3. If someone else cooked the meat I won't eat it, unless it's from my mom or sister. I'm very anal about eating meat at someone's home, meat should be clean first with vinegar or lemons before it's cooked. Well, that's how I was taught by mother dearest.

4. I'm in the habit of closing doors and turning off lights, why leave the light on if you're not using it? Save energy :)

5. I'm always on right on time or too early

6. Hate TV commercials with a passion, I rather click the mute button then to hear the same old ads

I don’t know when I’ll be myself again
To step to the limelight of life without fear
My path chosen a decade ago
With no intention of remission
Sold my twinkle little star to my sister
She holds it high like a trophy
In her eyes there is no remorse
All these meds I must swallow
It’s not a shame to cry over pain
The man next to me is a moron
Good enough to pay my insurance
He was once known as soul mate
Now he’s a shadow of doubts
I search for life with steroids and needles
Fingertips bleed uncertainty
There is silence in my dreams
Tears when the world is cruelly awake
Soundbites tangled with apologies
I search for answers at the sight of sunset
Surrender as my little star turns to dust
Lost is the comfort I yearn
Lost is this comfort
© 2008 by Cathy Delaleu
Art by Etsy.com

UNDISPUTED

I’m afraid of the dark
That’s when Daddy left
His dusty shoes in the foyer along with his favorite shirt
The wrinkled one soaked with mother’s tears
I managed to wash it with poetry
Mother says I need to stop dreaming
Daddy will never come back
He has no time now that he has 2 other boys to care for
I plan my escape with a backpack of goodies
Daddy’s shoes will take me to him
Take me to the place he chose as solace
Mother sleeps with books besides her
Counts pages of “I love you’s” like lottery tickets
No one will ever know how she stole those books
from my father’s side of the mattress
He was North of Haiti
She was South of Brooklyn
I found him in sunny Florida catching a tan with another woman
Mother swears the man I saw wasn’t my father
He is much lighter
More handsome in person
She identifies him as wasted fury of what could have been
Sniff his scent under her black dress
Obviously the wrinkled shirt cinched around her breasts
Is a reminder of his moonlight
The one he piled in Jacmel
Years before the slow-moving hurricane
I want this old man to come back
Retrace his steps to what he once knew as
home
©2008 by Cathy Delaleu
art by Karen Cougan

THE ATTITUDE OF INDIFFERENCE

Born in a land of swagger
Where earth and moon tongue kissed their lies
Footprints glowed on hearts that sang out loud their romance
She came beneath them
Frazzled and beautiful
A little girl with no hair
Hair so thin you can see a map of her heart
Anything you give
She takes
Anything you say
She swallows
You write her story to feel better
At 9 years old she thinks you’re a visitor
Who brings toys twice a year
More like Santa Claus in jeans
The tooth fairy that lost her wings
She sings to you on the phone
Your insides grow sore
Her voice is delicious like sunshine and strawberries
Tomorrow is when you will snatch her from the serpent
Take her to a better place
She will see your good intention as blessing
You blink your eyes
She’s now nineteen
You sit her down
Tell her the truth
That she belongs to you
She was always yours
Five hours of labor during a talk show of viewers
Little girl don’t believe you
She thinks you’re losing it
You act too desperate
Too nice
Not motherly
She chose to dance with the serpent
Until she marries one like him
Tall, dark and devious
She wants a man like Daddy
Except she wants him white
With long curly hair so he can approve
She gets extensions
Dresses into a Cinderella costume
Polishes her lips with glitter
Little girl twirls her way towards the sun
Her skin burns like fire
Her voice echoes Travelocity
She travels the world in search of her serpent
Determined to be happy
She realizes she’s too dark
Bleaches her face every morning
Now look…
Look how she glows like the moon
When she walks into a room
Everyone catches their breath
Little girl finds her blond hair, blue eyed serpent
He is not Daddy
He is Peter Pan who grabs her by the neck
Flies her to a world of abuse
Her tears stains her Cinderella dress
Turns it gray
She stops eating
Darkness gives her shivers
Her glow disappears
She sings for pennies on the subway
Her glow disappears
Daddy where are you?
She tries to undress the rain with a song
Little girl is unable to free herself
Isolation becomes her best friend
Intervention offered with my fingertips
She hugs without question
My peace offering
©2008 by C. Delaleu
painting by Etsy

I wrote this poem below out of frustration, cause it's not easy dealing with Lupus. Many out there deal with various types of illness and rarely do you find doctors that care. I've seen too many doctors for Lupus and believe me, I have not met one that shows genuine concern or compassion. They are always in a rush to examine you, no time to listen. The one person that did show me some care is not even a certified doctor, she's a holistic practitioner who believes the body can be healed with natural remedies. The natural meds do take a while but they work, you just have to be patient, lots of patience is required.


The helpless runs for relief
ignores the smiles of doctors
who claims the skittles they offer
will cure her pain
watch how she runs
she stomps over bodies buried in steroids
don’t stop the drugs
the men in white jackets yell
let’s make sure we dump your flesh
with toxins
you’ll look better in a hospital bed
Good health not an option
we only support those who are mentally dead
Long-term care won’t save you money
You bring us joy when you beg for relief
We don’t specialize in compassion
Rather we profit more when you bleed
(c)2008 by C. Delaleu

I've been tagged by Snarkly Black Chicks
It's a very interesting tag and couldn't help but respond.
Here are 7 delectable things you don't know about me

1. I'm addicted to chocolate chip scones at Whole Foods
2. Like to eat fresh snow before it touches the ground...i'm not the only one who does it, i'm sure, lol
3. I'm anal about people walking barefoot in my apartment
4. by nature, a homebody, doesn't take much to make me happy...being home with a home cooked meal, poetry and some movies are satisfying enough
5. I'll wake up at 5am on a Saturday or Sunday to paint then go back to bed at 10am
6. Love to write poetry at the strangest hours, for example at 2am when ideas and words flow into my dreams then i'll go back to bed
7. I love, love, love the 18th century era from songs to movies, something about that period leaves me breathless, the era of Catherine the great, get it? name is Cathy so i'm thinking I am a reproduction of her in spirit :) since I'm fascinated by the language, how they lived, how they loved...favorite movie of all time is Pride and Prejudice, another favorite is The Piano.

I cooked over the weekend using the ingredients pictured on top, it was yummy. I made salmon, plantain, sweet potatoe, carrots, spinach and string beans. It was delish!!
There's nothing like a good home cooked meal, remote control and a good movie :)

I watched two movies: I Am Legend and Enchanted, both were good. Will Smith was shirtless and left me breathless :)

LOVE DREAM

“Where are you going?” he questioned with a smirk

“I’m hot, want some ice cream,” was my response with a smile.

“I know you’re hot,” he pulled me close. “I can cool you off.”

“Well, you can start with some vanilla Swiss almond ice cream”

“And then some,” he chuckled, lifting me swiftly off the floor.

Marvin Gaye’s “I want you” was our interlude, caressing my ears.

His lips warm and demanding flew me back to Saint Martin where we met.

He carried me to the dining table. Yes, the dining table was our spot and then we would travel to the living room, and finally the last round would be the bedroom and to finish off we showered together.

“Where would you like to go next?” he asked.

“We can scroll back to the dining room,” was my proposal.

©2008 C. Delaleu